Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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