i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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