I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
