the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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