the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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