i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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