After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
