then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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