You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
