This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
3pm strippers are depressing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
