What a fucking waste of an outfit
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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