Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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