Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish I only lived at night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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