I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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