I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
