Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
