I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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