hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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