Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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