It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
