if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
