I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
