is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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