I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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