yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
