Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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