My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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