piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
