If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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