smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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