bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
