I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
