I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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