dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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