There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
