Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
