Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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