I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
