We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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