worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
