Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
