its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
