SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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