I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
