yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
