We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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