I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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