you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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