I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
