I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
